Why it is Best Not To Get Lost
by MedicalNonsense
Summary: In which Castiel's search for God takes him to the most awkward of places.  Supposed to take place before Brad and Janet visit along with it being early season 5 Supernatural.


Okay guys, uhm… First off, this is a collaboration between aQuackone and I, understand, **this** is what happens when you watch _Rocky Horror_ then all the gag reels from _Supernatural_ then _Rocky Horror __**again**_.

aQuackone: I write in mostly British English so anything written like 'favourite', 'flavour', or 'colour'. That's all me and I apologise in advance to anyone who is like MedicalNonsense and goes insane about those things. We argue all the time about it. Haha. She's a total grammar nazi... ily, Medical! D:

As much as both of us would like to btw, neither of us owns _Rocky Horror Picture Show_ or _Supernatural_.

(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)

It was a stormy night and Dean's Amulet glowed warmly from Castiel's pocket. He gazed at the curious castle before him, a hopeful feeling running through his being. Giving the castle one final look he made his way to the front door.

Determined, he raised his hand in a motion that Dean has always criticized him for never doing…

Castiel knocked on the door.

Moments passed as he stared blankly at the odd knocker on the door. Just behind the door, there was shuffling before it opened to reveal a peculiar, hunch-backed, balding, blonde… male-something. Castiel tipped his head, staring wonderingly at the man-thing.

"Is there something I can help you with?" it asked.

"I am an Angel of the Lord. I require access to this domicile," Castiel spoke. The butler-ish-appearing-man-something raised his brow in curiosity as lightning flashed behind the angel. And, then, Castiel remembered Dean's words to be less conspicuous and to **Lie**. "Uhh, I mean, I need to use your phone." Recognition lit up in the butler-ish-appearing-man-something's eyes and he said, "Come in."

Stepping out of the way to allow the angel entry, Castiel paced out of the storm into the rather grand foyer. Apprehensively, Castiel roved his eyes about the room, vaguely thinking to himself, _He's here?_

"A visitor?" Castiel, for the first time, was surprised and jumped to the left. His hands absently found their way to his hips. There, to his right, was a woman with red teased-out hair.

Staring dumbfoundedly at him, she noticed his posture and then added, "Now, take a step to your right."

Figuring it a harmless request, Castiel did so.

Seeing this man was particularly pliant, she gave him a new request, "Now, turn around."

Confused and looking towards her, Castiel did so.

"Now, do the pelvic thrust."

"Excuse me?" A blush quickly running across his face, his eyes wide with indignation.

"Sorry, dear, you were so compliant. I couldn't resist." The butler-ish-appearing-man-something cut in then with, "Magenta, he need to see the master."

"Oh, how lucky you are," she replied, Castiel nodded in thanks as the two domestics strode off to the other side of the room to a pair of double doors into a large, white hall.

At the one end was an immaculate red curtain with a well-adorned chair sitting in front of it. On top of a ladder was a young miss with pink hair setting up for some sort of convention.

"He's up in his lab." The young miss called, Magenta nodded and spun around, smacking right into Castiel's chest.

"Whoa, hi there," she said, running her hand down the holy tax accountant's chest. A strangled noise escaped Castiel; he took a quick step back into the old styled elevator. The butler-ish-appearing-man-something and woman-thing followed him. The butler-ish-appearing-man-something closed its gate as Magenta pulled up the lever.

Going up several floors they met with a pink-tiled room that Castiel thought he could only find in Dean's nightmares (which he had. They involved Alistair). After further inspection there was something of unknown gender bent over a tub with what looked like a mummy in it.

"Sorry to interrupt, Master," the butler-ish-appearing-man-something called out. "We have a visitor."

The androgynous thing popped up straight, yelling "Riff Raff, what have I told you?" in a very _manly_ voice. Castiel was now confused; the heels, the fishnets… the green smock thing, cues he had learned to indicate femininity...

Then, it turned around. That was _no_ woman and Castiel wanted out. He tried to flutter out. It didn't work. His eyes darted around looking for potential escape routes. Finding none, his eyes drifted back to the androgynous man/thing/person/enough already who looked scarily amused.

"Well now, what can I do for you?" he crooned, quickly tossing a red, silky covering over the tub.

"I…" Castiel found himself at a loss for words.

"Well, while you're here," tossing the green smock away revealing a corset and panties that left nothing to imagination.

Castiel wanted out more desperately than before and spoke, "I would like an exit, please." He took a step back, thinking about what Dean said about not batting for the other team and finally understood.

"Ooh, why would you want to leave so soon? I am Dr. Frank-N-Furter" he greeted, stalking with a seductive tilt to his step. The doctor held his hand out to the angel. Castiel kept his hands to himself. "What? You don't shake? Hmm, I'll have you shaking by the end of the night… And begging for more."

"I'm shaking now."

"Oooo, is that so?" Dr. Frank-N-Furter ran a hand from Castiel's shoulder down to his wrist.

Castiel took a step back and then another until he was pressing himself against the grate of the back of the elevator. He referenced Dean again, finally understanding personal space.

"Such an interesting subject," Frank-N-Furter purred, leaning with either hand on the front of the elevator, blocking Castiel in. Castiel cleared his throat several times. "Can I offer you a room?"

"That is unnecessary."

"Oh, but it's stor—"

"I will fair just fine," Castiel interrupted.

"Oh, nonsense! I would be a bad host to just throw you heartlessly out into this deplorable weather," Frank-N-Furter attempted to persuade.

"You would you be a gracious host to let me leave," Castiel spoke quickly. Dr. Frank-N-Furter pouted, his ruby lips puckering.

"Oooh, but it's sooo lonely and I rarely have guests,." Castiel looked to Magenta and Riff Raff.

"You seem to have quite enough company."

"At least stay for dinner, then."

"I don't eat." Castiel was starting to run out of excuses. It was becoming worrisome.

"Don't eat?" Frank-N-Furter inquired, seeming _more_ interested.

"Uh-uh- I mean, I'm not hungry."

"Would you like something to warm your bones before you leave?" Castiel stared deadpan at the cross-dresser.

"Fine, I guess a cup of coffee wouldn't hurt," Castiel grumbled.

"Goodie! Now follow me to the dining hall!"

(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)

Castiel sat ramrod straight in the chair. Eyeing the dining room suspiciously.

"Are you sure you wouldn't want a bite to eat?" Frank-N-Furter asked through his teeth.

"I'm fine," Castiel answered, taking a sip and examining his oddly flavored coffee. "This is quite good. What type of coffee is it?"

"Oh, just rufilin-flavored." That made warning bells flare in Castiel's head, but finding it of no consequence he continued drinking.

Dr. Frank-N-Furter stared at his guest wondering if he chose to ignore it or was just that naive.

"You have such beautiful eyes," complimented Frank-N-Furter.

Castiel, the most polite thing he had been called was "Huggie-Bear", so he didn't know how to take this.

"Well, they're not mine." He explained.

"Oh, they're not, are they? Well, whose are they then?"

"A father from a good Christian family in Illinois."

"Not a Scientologist then?"

"A what?"

"Never mind. You sure you don't want anything to eat?" Frank-N-Furter abruptly changed the subject again.

"We've been over this. No, thank you." Castiel finished his coffee. He would really need to ask Dean where to find this rufilin and get Dean to try it. It was quite tasty.

"If you would excuse me for a moment; I really must go speak with my servants. Don't try to escape now," Frank-N-Furter said, standing and heading out the door. He made sure to say, "You won't get very far." Before he shut the door.

As this was the, potentially, only time he'd be alone; Castiel grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialed the **only** number in his phone.

"Yeah?" a gruff voice answered, which prompted the angel to quickly and clearly say, "Dean, I'm in a strange place and you must help me."

"Cas? Where are you?" Dean asked, sounding much more awake than when he answered the phone.

"Denton, Wyoming."

"What're ya doing in Wyoming?"

"I was looking for God and it went terribly, terribly wrong," Castiel's voice took a strange pitch when saying the words 'terribly' and 'wrong'.

"How'd it go ter—"

"Stop asking questions and come get me! I'm in a castle and you can't miss it!" Castiel said, highly frustrated. He heard the clack of heels coming towards the door and closed his phone. Shoving it in his pocket with the now cold Amulet.

The door to the dining hall opened reaviling the good doctor.

"Would you like a tour?"

(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)

Notes:

Rufilin-Yes, Rufies, neither my dear friend nor I support the use of this drug or anything like it. Then again, I'm not sure why I'm bothering with this as I have written worse XD


End file.
